How To Figure Out What You Actually Want

Adam Westbrook
4 min readApr 22, 2024

I grew up knowing what I wanted to do with my life. But then I turned 35 and discovered that my education had only prepared me to get so far.

I thought: “Oh no, I don’t know how to be older than this.

The past four years have been about trying to find a new direction, with the increasing urgency of age. After years of dilly-dallying and experimentation, 40 fast approaches and, tired of procrastinating, I’m ready to reach for what I want.

But this requires…knowing what I actually want!

Maybe it’s crystal clear for you. But for me, it’s an ever-moving mountain, a forest of conflicting possibilities: do I want to do this or that? Do I want to live here or there? What do I actually want dammit?!

I think it’s possible to just relax and let life happen to you; but I’m just too Western in my ways to be able to do that. My ego is real! I’m ambitious and craving of recognition; establishing a direction seems like the only way to marry my desires with reality as best I can.

How to figure out what you actually want

If you feel the same, the following exercises might help. I have tried all of them over the last few years; unlike a lot of internet advice, I find they work!

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Adam Westbrook

Video artist working at The New York Times. I write a newsletter about visual storytelling and creativity. https://adamwestbrook.co.uk/