#FEEDBACK 9

There is some really lovely melancholy in this scene. I absolutely love the idea of a little girl filming things like the guy in American Beauty. I would love to see that idea explored more. When she plays the video back to herself in the corner what could the montage of shots reveal about her family and the story? Is there anything you could write in to visually tell us why Roger is so cold with his family? Has he lost his job or is he housebound for some other reason? Although in a normal screenplay all this info wouldn’t be revealed in a single scene it would be cool to have some hints in this example, otherwise he comes across as a slightly clichéd angry man.

Video artist working at The New York Times. I write a weekly newsletter about visual storytelling and creativity. https://adamwestbrook.substack.com/

Video artist working at The New York Times. I write a weekly newsletter about visual storytelling and creativity. https://adamwestbrook.substack.com/